In A Moment
by McPhantom
Summary: Jimmy reflects on his love for Kirsten on his wedding day, and his wishes that will never come true. R&R!


**Disclaimer: Don't own the O.C.**

**Just an idea I've been thinking about.**

The day you get married is supposed to be the happiest day of your life, right?

You're supposed to stand at the altar, and watch the woman you love walk down the aisle, and you can't help but smile at her beauty, knowing that the rest of your life is going to be perfect.

At least, that's the way I always imagined it.

But this wasn't how I imagined my wedding.

I didn't imagine to feel sad, or cry, not tears of joy, but tears of sadness.

But I did.

But the biggest thing I imagined about my wedding, the thing that was always certain, a given, was the bride. And it wasn't the red headed girl with sexy curves that was standing in front of me.

I had always known who my bride was going to be. Blonde with a petite frame and traditional features. I had always known I was going to marry Kirsten Nichol. She was the love of my life, my high school sweetheart. But, in reality, she was so much more than that.

We had a plan. Go to USC together, and have the time of our lives before returning to Newport, where I would go to work for her father, and she would plan magnificent dinner parties and charity events. The life we'd always lived. The life we'd always loved.

Everything was perfect, until one day, she changed her mind. She was going to Berkeley, and taking her heart with her.

After weeks of racking my brain, trying to figure out why she would do this, why she bailed on our future together. We were so happy, and then, she decided she wasn't

I decided that she just wanted to have a college experience. Mess around; meet new people for four years before returning home, and we could continue with our plan. I talked myself into believing this, and Caleb helped me to believe this. When we went sailing the summer before I left, he declared that Kirsten was just lost, but she would soon realize where she belonged.

And then in college, I met Julie. Sassy, sexy Julie. She was so different from Kirsten. Kirsten was the perfect girl, the one I could see a life with. Julie was a teenager from Riverside, a girl I could see the night with.

We had fun, and I have to admit, I did start to love her. Love being around her, love the excitement she added to my life, love the way me being with her pissed off my parents.

And then, in a moment, everything changed. Just like it had a few years before. Julie went from being a fun, just for now girlfriend, to the girl who was carrying my child.

And, and in that moment, everything I had wanted since I was sixteen years old disappeared.

I'm looking out into the church, where I see her sitting, looking breathtaking in a silk, wine colored frock. She's sitting closely next to a man with a messy mop of black hair and enormous eyebrows. She turns, and looks into his eyes, the way she used to look at me.

And then it hit me. Even if Julie wasn't pregnant, her heart would never be mine again. She was never meant to come back to Newport, and pick up where we left off. She might off been in high school, but not anymore.

I love Julie, and I know I'll grow to be in love with her, and our child. But, a large part will always belong to Kirsten Nichol, and Julie knows that. She knows I can never love anyone as much as I loved her. The thing that hurts me most is that, she will – and I can tell she already loves someone more than she loved me.

I say my vows, and kiss my bride, closing my eyes, wishing that when I open them, I'll be staring into her bright blue eyes, and holding her tiny frame.

But, I open my eyes, and it's still Julie. We walk down the aisle, and I catch her gaze as I look out into the pews. She gives me a knowing smile, a smile that I fell in love with.

The day I got married, a part of me died. A part that was happy, and loved the life that I had, and the future I was looking forward to.

And, now, I have to live, knowing I'll never hold her in my arms again. I'll never get to stroke her hair, kiss her perfect lips, make love to her, and tell her how much I love her.

People say don't dwell on the past, but how can you not, when your past is Kirsten Nichol?

Please please please review! I would love to know what you thought.


End file.
